The holidays may be filled with joy and excitement for some, but for people who have lost a loved one, the holidays can be a difficult time. The holidays can trigger emotions for people who are grieving, as this time of year has been engraved into our society as a time to spend with loved ones. Others may have a hard time celebrating the holidays due to the feeling of guilt for celebrating without the person they just lost. All of these feelings are normal to have during the holiday season while you’re grieving, and there are some things you can do to make it easier to handle.
1. Give grief a place at the table
What I mean by this is: don’t ignore grief — it is important to remember that grief isn’t what you’re trying to ignore, it’s the pain you’re trying to get rid of. Instead, lean into your grief and acknowledge that it’s there. Some may find comfort in knowing that you cared so much for the person that you lost, that you’re still thinking about them and holding space. Talk with friends, family, or your therapist about your feelings of grief so not only can they be aware, but also can help normalize conversations about grief and loss. By acknowledging grief, you’re able to control how you want to handle these feelings and at a pace that is most comfortable for you.
2. Include them in holiday traditions
Some people find joy in doing this to feel a connection to their lost loved one. This can be adjusted to various holidays, but some common ones include adding a picture of them to your Christmas tree, making their favorite dish they would bring to holiday meals, or participating in a tradition that they used to do. Whatever works for your comfort level!
3. Setting boundaries
This can be both a requirement for yourself and for others around you, and making sure you follow through with them as much as possible. Setting boundaries during the holidays when experiencing grief doesn’t need to be difficult or strenuous! Some boundaries can include not listening to certain songs that trigger intense emotions, agreeing to only one holiday dinner rather than multiple (or none!), or not participating in certain holiday activities. This can also be applied to others around you by making it clear what is and isn’t comfortable for you at this time.
4. Keeping busy
Others find that keeping busy can help not only themselves but others as well. By keeping busy, you can help keep your mind and body activated and moving, and this can be done in numerous ways. Some find it easier to pick up a new hobby around this time, others enjoy volunteering or helping others in their neighborhood. Again, it’s all up to what is the best fit for you during your time of grief.
The Bottom Line
There is no “right” way to grieve the loss of a loved one. The most vital thing is to stay true to yourself during the holiday season. If that includes not wanting to go to Aunt Carol’s Christmas party because it’s too difficult, then don’t! If you think the best thing to do is ignore the holidays because the grieving is too difficult right now, then do it. Do what you need to take care of yourself and what feels right for you.
